Attachment Styles in Adults: A Complete Guide
When it comes to relationships, some people find closeness easy while others struggle with trust, boundaries, or the fear of losing connection. These patterns aren’t random—they’re tied to what we call attachment styles. Understanding your attachment style can be life-changing, especially if you often wonder why you repeat the same cycles in relationships.
This guide will help you understand what attachment styles are, how they’re formed, the four main types, and how therapy can support you in creating healthier, more secure connections.
What Are Attachment Styles?
Attachment styles describe how people relate to others in close relationships, whether with romantic partners, family, or friends. They shape how we seek comfort, respond to conflict, and connect emotionally.
The concept comes from Attachment Theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. They found that the way a caregiver responds to a child’s emotional and physical needs shapes the child’s sense of safety and belonging—which impacts how they relate to their caregivers, and eventually others.
How Attachment Styles Are Formed
In a nutshell, early experiences of care, love, and safety lay the foundation. For example:
If caregivers are responsive and consistent, a child learns “I’m safe, I’m loved, and my needs matter.”
If care is inconsistent, neglectful, or intertwined with abuse, the child may learn “I can’t rely on others,” “I must cling to get love,” or “love, fear, and pain go together.”
Although attachment patterns form in childhood, they can shift throughout life and can be different in one relationship as opposed to another. Therapy, supportive relationships, and self-awareness can help adults move toward more secure attachment.
The Four Main Attachment Styles:
1. Secure Attachment
Comfort with both closeness and independence.
Ability to trust, communicate, and resolve conflict.
Tends to have stable, fulfilling relationships.
2. Anxious Attachment
Fear of abandonment or rejection.
Craves closeness but may worry about being “too much.”
Can appear clingy, overly dependent, or insecure.
3. Avoidant Attachment
Values independence over intimacy.
May struggle with emotional vulnerability.
Appears “emotionally unavailable” or distant in relationships.
4. Disorganized Attachment
Combination of anxious and avoidant traits.
Desire for closeness but fear of being hurt.
Often linked to unresolved trauma or inconsistent caregiving.
How Attachment Styles Affect Adult Relationships
Communication: Anxious partners may over-communicate fears, while avoidant partners may withdraw.
Conflict: Securely attached adults can discuss issues openly; insecure styles may lead to shutdowns or blow-ups.
Trust: Fear of abandonment or rejection can make trusting others difficult.
Intimacy: Emotional closeness can feel comforting—or terrifying—or both—depending on your attachment style.
Here Are Answers to Some Common Questions About Attachment Therapy:
How Attachment Styles are Formed:
Attachment styles are formed in early childhood based on how a caregiver responds to a child’s emotional and physical needs. When caregivers are consistent, loving, and responsive, children are more likely to develop a secure attachment style. If caregivers are inconsistent, neglectful, emotionally unavailable, abusive, and/or frightening, children may develop anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment styles. These early patterns become “blueprints” for how we relate to others later in life, though they can shift with therapy and supportive relationships.
Are Attachment Styles Permanent?
No, attachment styles are not permanent. While they first develop in childhood and feel deeply ingrained, research shows that attachment can shift throughout life. Supportive relationships, therapy, and intentional self-work can help people move from insecure attachment (anxious, avoidant, or disorganized) toward secure attachment. The key is that attachment styles are patterns of behavior, not fixed personality traits. With time and effort, they can absolutely change.
How Attachment Styles Affect Adult Relationships:
Attachment styles shape the way people connect, trust, and handle conflict in adult relationships. For example, someone with anxious attachment may fear rejection and seek constant reassurance, while someone with avoidant attachment may pull away when things get emotionally close. People with disorganized attachment may swing between craving closeness and fearing it. In contrast, people with secure attachment tend to communicate openly, trust more easily, and maintain healthier boundaries. That being said, having a secure attachment does not mean you never have conflict. It just means that you react to that conflict in a different way than people with insecure attachments.
How Many Attachment Styles Are There?
There are four main attachment styles:
Secure attachment – comfort with closeness and independence.
Anxious attachment – fear of abandonment or rejection.
Avoidant attachment – discomfort with vulnerability and emotional closeness.
Disorganized attachment – a mix of anxious and avoidant behaviors, often linked to trauma.
Dealing With Anxious Attachment:
Dealing with anxious attachment starts with awareness of your patterns. In therapy, we work on:
Identifying triggers that spark fears of abandonment.
Practicing self-soothing skills to reduce anxiety without relying only on reassurance.
Building secure boundaries and learning that it’s okay to express needs directly.
Challenging negative beliefs about being “too much” or unworthy of love.
Healing Attachment Wounds Through Therapy
Therapy provides a safe space to:
Recognize your attachment style and how it shows up in relationships.
Process unresolved childhood experiences.
Practice new communication skills and boundary-setting.
Build self-worth and resilience.
Therapies like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), or EMDR can be particularly helpful.
Attachment styles influence nearly every part of adult relationships—communication, trust, intimacy, and how you handle conflict. While these patterns begin in childhood, they don’t have to define your future.
The way you learned to connect is only part of your story, and with the right support, new chapters are possible.
Through therapy for attachment issues, you can better understand your patterns and begin the process of healing insecure attachment. Therapy provides a safe space to explore where those patterns started, recognize when they show up in your relationships, and practice healthier ways of relating. Over time, you can move toward secure attachment—relationships built on trust, balance, and emotional safety.
The goal is not to change who you are or who you’re drawn to. It’s not about “fixing” yourself. The goal is to recognize the patterns that cause harm—like fearing abandonment, avoiding closeness, or people-pleasing—and to shift them in ways that put you on a healthier path. With therapy, self-awareness, and practice, you can build relationships that feel safe, nurturing, and authentic.
Learn How to Build and Maintain Healthy Relationships with Attachment Therapy in Scottsdale, AZ
If you are ready to break the cycle of unhealthy relationships and build the fulfilling relationships you deserve, attachment therapy in Scottsdale, AZ can help. With compassionate support, you can learn to set healthy boundaries, express your needs, and find balance. At Fuzzy Socks Therapy, we walk alongside you as you heal past wounds and build the confidence to create relationships that truly honor your needs. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Contact us to schedule your appointment or book a free consultation here
Meet with Lianna, trauma therapist
Start building the confidence you need to heal!
Additional Services Offered at Fuzzy Socks Therapy
In Scottsdale, AZ, therapy for attachment issues is one of the key ways we help clients find healing and relief. Beyond trauma-focused care, we provide a variety of services to support different needs. At Fuzzy Socks Therapy, you’ll also find therapy for children and teens, specialized neurodivergent therapy, discernment counseling for couples who feel unsure about the future of their relationship, and ADHD and Autism Coaching for adults and parents of neurodivergent kids. To explore therapy for complex trauma along with the full scope of our services, visit our blog today!
